Thursday, April 1, 2010

Platypus Diaries continue... (#2)

Thank you to those of you who offered encouragement and positive responses to Mondays entry. It does mean a lot to me that I could go ahead and publish a post that I've felt insecure about and then get so much support for my anxieties. Whether you responded in a comment or an email, I'm happy to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. Apparently the fear of how to handle two kids is very natural.

So, in my continued effort to stop hiding out, this is the second in the catch up of the Platypus Diaries (the diary of my second pregnancy). Because it would amount to many pages of reading to cover September through to the present day in one post, I've broken this up into readable bits. Here is part two:


September 12
You would think we’d have had it all planned. Yup, it all worked so easily the first time, we should have known, correct?

Well, the truth is I know that my own mom had a hard time falling pregnant with me and I also know that secondary infertility is higher than primary infertility.

This is where science has done me wrong.
We thought we should perhaps try now because we thought it would take longer than it did.

We were surprised.
Eric, of course, feels like a man among men, but his glorious pride in his sheer maleness is a little bit tempered by the “two kids under two” reality check.

Besides, I think he was hoping for months of shagging before anything really happened.
Sorry, Eric, your work is done.

Sept 17
Sweet fetish is back. While Eric paid for the groceries, I had to go back and stare at the pies in the frozen food section. I told him I just wanted to visit them. I didn’t want to eat them; I really did just want to look at them.

Sept 18
My nephew Michael was born this day, 25 years ago. I was 15 years old and brought my schoolbooks to the hospital to study while waiting for his birth. I was in the 10th grade. I can’t believe all that time has passed. I remember all his little kid years so vividly and then it’s like a blur from when he turned 10 until now. I still expect to see him as a little boy. I have two nephews and two nieces. In my mind they are still little kids and I know them well. In reality, I see their photos on face book – my oldest nephew working and married, my niece in college, my younger nephew a soldier in the middle east, and the little baby niece is now in her final years of high school. I knew them better as kids but those were the years when aunties were cool. Mommy’s and Daddy’s and Grandma’s and Grandpa’s were cool during those years too. I miss having them run to me and hug my legs with all their might. Are they really these adults that I see on face book now?

My mom used to tell me that she missed “her little girls”, meaning my sister and me as children. I understand that now.

Sept 19
I forgot how specific the cravings were. Today I wanted olive bread with Hellman’s mayonnaise, cheddar cheese and tomato. Yesterday I wanted a cherry lattice Danish with cream cheese. Problem is, these are things you can only get in America. We don’t have Hellman’s here and I’ve never seen a cherry lattice Danish here either. I’ll need to program myself to crave Vegemite and meat pies.

Sept 20
Last year at this time I was great with child and hoping I would deliver early.
I’m about to have a one year old and go through the whole preggy thing again. Can I just say that I’m not ready to go through all the pregnant part again? It’s too vivid – those late months where I was the size of a whale and up all night tossing and turning. Labor and delivery is still burned into my memory and hasn’t diminished in the slightest. How can a person forget pain that made them think they were going to split in two?

Oh, I’m complaining. It’s just that I feel really unwell these days. The waves of nausea, the putrid smell of meat, the aroma of coffee that makes my stomach heave. The constant need to use the toilet plagues me both day and night. And the exhaustion! How is it possible to be this tired ALL THE TIME????

I’ve been working like a mad woman lately. Two weekends in a row, four long and late days last week that started early and went past seven PM. I got home just in time to kiss my baby and whisk her off to bed. That makes me sad. The weekend arrived and all I want to do is sleep. Today I got up early with Madz and let Eric sleep in. Then when he woke, I went down for a two hour nap. Then this afternoon I took another two hour nap.
In between those naps, I lay on the couch or played on the floor with Madden. It’s 9:00 PM and after this entry, I am heading off to bed yet again.
Is this normal?

And the dreams! Wow. They are like movies…bright, emotional, epic, and odd.
There is one where I am in a car with Bonnie and Clyde and we are remaking the movie and another where I’m driving my new speedboat across Lake Superior when I discover that it has an entire underground warehouse complete with kitchen and underwater deck.

Sept 22
She is walking. This weekend Madden started with 4 or 5 steps and a fall, then 4 or 5 and a fall again. Now she’s walking around with a little push cart and holding on to a finger and walking all across the apartment. She is SO PROUD of herself and seems so happy to have that independence. Your mama and dada are proud of you too.

Madden, do you think you’ll be up for babysitting in about 8 months time? We will pay well…


Sarah Stewart said...

Hello. I have 2 with 17 months between them. A boy then a girl. Try not to worry too much it's really worth it & lovely! x

Susanica said...

Beth I am so happy to read your blog. I feel like we are sitting together talking and love it! You always were a funny kid. And you are so on the mark about those feelings of "what just happened?" When did these babies become real grown ups?

You are gonna have it tough with two under two but you'll survive and dare I say thrive? Really. And Eric should be real rested up to take care of just about everything becuase "his work here is done". Fabulous line!

We want to wish you a very happy and blessed Easter Beth. Gosh, Easter makes me think of TEC. Die, Rise and Go right? Gosh it's been a long time. Maybe you guys can fly through DC next time you travel home.

Happy Day! -Monica

Laura said...

I know I'm just about to talk to you, but thought I'd go on the record of saying, "If anyone can do it, you can."

That's all.

Love, Laura

Tracey said...

we used to order from here when we lived in Sydney..looks like they have some in stock, and a wish /notify list..